Equality Italia: Ciao Barilla

You people are so touchy.  Especially you gays.  How could you be insulted by a statement made by the chairman of the board of Barilla Pasta, Guido Barilla?  You twist his comment like fusilli (corkscrew pasta).  Clearly you’re overreacting.

Guido Barilla

All he said: “I would never make a [television] spot with a homosexual family. Not out of a lack of respect but because I do not see it like they do. [My idea of] family is a classic family where the woman has a fundamental role.”

Not only did Guido upset gays all over the world now he has every feminist banging their chops wondering what does he consider our fundamental role?  Standing over the stove steering his Barilla pasta as it boils?

You really have to understand another thing: Barilla does its homework.  They know the gays only have a few people per household to eat their pasta as opposed to the large traditional families with lots more tummies to feed.  More tummies = more sales pastabilities.  Even Guido when asked about how his personal feelings would affect his company’s gay customers continuing to purchase Barilla products said: “Well, if they like our pasta and our message they will eat it; if they don’t like it and they don’t like what we say they will … eat another.”

Is such a statement enough to get anybody’s panties in a bunch?  Apparently it did to Aurelio Mancuso of Italy’s Equality Italia who accepted Guido’s invitation to not eat his pasta.  This could potentially be a major blow scusa to Guido. Barilla enjoys a market share of 40% – 45% of Italian pasta eaters.

Did you ever think that maybe Guido is doing you gays a favor by telling you to lay off his pasta?  Don’t you think he’s concerned that you maintain your obsession with remaining slim by not putting his pasta-carbs into that 6 pack ab’d body of yours?  You know how guys are guys and guys will talk. What’ll  they say at the gym? Look at that guy’s bulbous caboose, must have spent too much time at the pasta trough   Now you understand Guido is only looking out for your best interest, he doesn’t want you to have a butt the size of an Alp.  You should be thanking him.


A clarification: there is a rumor going around that is totally false.  No one at the famous pasta company is considering putting a picture on all of their pasta packaging of a scowling, rotund Auntie Philomena in her apron waving her wooden spoon with the caption: “If our pasta won’t beat the gay out of you, my spoon will.”   One other thing, the company is definitely not coming out – scusa again – with a new line of pasta called “Bigotoni”.



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