Hallmark Moved Chi-Chi LaRocha To Tears

HallmarkSweater

All this hullabaloo over Hallmark’s desire that no one misinterpret their rewriting a lyric from a beloved Christmas classic is ridiculous.  So they changed the line from “Don we now our gay apparel” to “Don we now our fun apparel.”  What’s the big beef?

Do you not realize that Hallmark must be concerned about its image?  Especially with the card guzzling Christian evangelists.  (Especially when you consider they might be considering a new line of Mama Honey Boo Boo cards.)  I’m told, by a very unreliable source, that next year’s sweater line will once again alter the lyric to read: “Don thou now thy conservatively straight but fun  apparel”.

Thanks to the fine folks at Hallmark for commenting: “Hallmark created this year’s Holiday Sweater ornament in the spirit of fun. When the lyrics to “Deck the Halls” were translated from Gaelic [Should they really have used that word?] and published in English back in the 1800s, the word “gay” meant festive or merry. Today it has multiple meanings, which we thought could leave our intent open to misinterpretation. The trend of wearing festively decorated Christmas sweaters to parties is all about fun, and this ornament is intended to play into that, so the planning team decided to say what we meant: ‘fun.’ That’s the spirit we intended and the spirit in which we hope ornament buyers will take it.”

In the interest of presenting a fair and balanced story, we sought out the fabulous Chi-chi LaRocha, headliner at the Purple Swan Diva  Emporium on East 54th.  Chi-Chi lamented: “Sugar, it’s so sad when a luscious company as Hallmark finds it necessary to distort a holiday tradition simply to cave to the angelicals.  I mean, to destroy that much exquisite yarn to make a hideous piece of clothing I wouldn’t even let my cat, Brutus. poo on is just tragically heart wrenching.”

So there you have it.  Let’s all “Don our now our religious right, conservative, straight, Grand Old Party apparel” and go out and spread our holiday not-gay cheer.

(It is assumed that Mike Huckabee, former presidential candidate and organizer of the “Chick-fil-A Appreciation/Hater Day”, is now organizing a “Thank God Hallmark’s Not Gay Day”.)

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